Tales from a 3-year old

Life is Good: kids are creative

True story:
Today, I asked the little kid what he had for snack at preschool.
PIRATE Boooooooooteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
"Wow!" I said. "That's a big treat for you. Who brought snack today?
He told me Madeline did and I asked if they had anything else.
"Applesauce!" he announced.
I told him that sounded really good and asked if it was the kind in a little cup that you eat with a spoon or the kind in a pouch that you sort of drink.
"Umm. No." he tells me, "Just the kind you eat with your hands. You scoop it up with your fingers and put it into your leetle mouth. Then it goes down to your belly and turns into a bea-yooooooooooooooo-tiful butterfly. With lots of colors and wings and smiles and happy. Then it flitters and flutters and flies away."

The Night Before Preschool

Life is Good: and exactly the way it is supposed to be

How did this happen? How did three years whiz and zoom and zip by? You know how they show time lapses in old movies by the pages of a calendar blowing by? That feels like our life in so many ways. Life certainly sped up when we had our first child. ( Remember my favorite quote from Gretchen Rubin, “The days are long but the years are short.”?) And then time just rocketed into overdrive with the birth of our second. I would dare to say instantaneously.

I’m very solid in my faith. I am grateful to have what I call the "gift of belief". I accept that which I cannot always prove scientifically. And I try very much not to question God’s plan. He is the Great Creator. He is far more creative and inventive and wise than I. However, I often wonder why He made the precious, amazing, wonderful experience of childhood so short and adulthood so long? (And then I think about the sleep deprivation of having a baby and…okay, maybe I get it!)

The past three years have been wonderful. Won.der.ful. Truly. They have been full of ups and downs, like any family. But I can safely say that there were far more good times than anything. There was a lot of growing going on and I don’t just mean the children. These kids are teaching us everyday. They are making us better people. They are opening our eyes and our minds and our hearts.

Of course, I have regrets. I wouldn’t be Susie if I didn’t. Oh, when God was handing out guilt, I made sure to get seconds and thirds. And then, got back in line to make sure I filled all of my pockets, a backpack, and a purse, too. Feeling guilty and regretful when I’ve made a mistake is my kryptonite. I’m constantly working on it. Some days, I am harder on myself than others. But that’s another story. I’d dare to say that I am not alone in some of my guilt, though. I think a lot of mamas especially have “second kid guilt”. You see, I felt pretty confident as a mother with our big kid. I felt like I had found a good balance. I gave him my all and everything. I was grateful to be able to have a choice about working outside of the home and felt like, when I did take a project, that I was never taking away from our child or our family. We had a manageable schedule, a secure home life, a healthy social life. We got enough sleep.

However, baby #2 came along and it was as if the minute we walked into the house, I felt I wasn’t meeting anyone’s needs entirely. No one was crying or complaining, but it wasn’t like it had been. There were still just 24 hours in the day, but now they were divided by one more person and therefore, I knew that I wasn’t performing at the same level. Again, no one was crying or complaining, I brought the guilt all on myself. And it took a good year--or close to it-- for me to find our new groove and rest assured that I was doing my best. Not the best, but my best. And if I am doing my best, that is all I can ask for. Say that with me ten times. It is seriously one of my self-talk mama mantras. These kids are teaching me a lot about life. And so much about myself.

I always knew I wanted more than one child (okay, let's be honest...I really wanted several children) and Grant did, too. I was both ecstatic and relieved when we found out we were having our second child. Relieved? Because I really wanted our big kid to have a sibling. I wanted him to have that experience and that bond. I wanted him to have a cohort to experience life with. I wanted him to have someone to play a game with, catch a ball with, and ride a carnival ride with. Someone to conspire against us when holding a garden hose. Someone to commiserate with when we were being “so weird” or “so unfair”. And I wanted him to have somebody to cling on to and share this life with after Grant and I are gone. Yes, I was already trying to parent a 50-year old! My nuttiness is not lost on me. I promise.

As thrilled as I was to be having another child. I was also worried. Not non-stop, but rather, a healthier “concern” that appeared off and on. And mostly at night when I was experiencing prenatal insomnia (so unfair!). Oh, yes. I had the usual concerns about the health of the baby, getting to the hospital on time, and having someone to care for the big kid if my water broke in the middle of the night. But I had other concerns. Primarily, I worried about how this second child would fit in to our family. Or would he fit in? We had a pretty great little operation going on for three years. Life was good. Life was balanced. We had a schedule and a groove and a flow. Had we just made a decision that would totally ruin all of that? Just as soon as these thoughts flipped into my head, I would plop them out. We wanted this little baby so very, very much. Of course this was only going to make our family better. I believed this. Truly.

But, truthfully, the concern about this little baby fitting in continued to hover in my thoughts. And as an intentional parent, I think it was a fair concern. Our big kid was an extrovert. He loved attention. He was willing to engage in all kinds of talk and performance to get it. He was very verbal. He knew who he was and what he wanted. (Those of you who know me well are probably smirking right now. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.) How would a second child manage with an older sibling like that? I feared that this second child would be a shadow. He would yield to the older sibling. What if he never had his own opinions? What if he were shy, withdrawn, felt unheard?  What if he never fully reached who he was meant to be because of this attention-seeking, chatty older brother? Each time that this worry popped into my head, I would turn to prayer. I would ask God that this child would fit perfectly into our family and that these two children would be exactly what each other needed. And I would trust. I would trust that God was in control of things. And that He knew best.

And He did.

Oh, how He did.

Fast forward (literally) three years and we have a second child who: is an extrovert, loves attention, is wiling to engage in all kinds of talk and performance to get attention, is very verbal, knows who he is and what he wants. Times ten. Yes, this little apple didn’t fall far from the tree either. Grant laughs that for such a small person, my DNA is mighty!

I accept that God always hears our prayers, but that He often answers them differently than what we ask for. It’s not an easy acceptance. We humans want what we want, but history shows me that God has always known what is best for me and that even when I make a wrong turn or one of those guilt-ridden, regretful mistakes, He is there to crank the steering wheel back on the right path as soon as I am willing to let him take back control of the helm. (Yes, I just mixed a whole lot of transportation metaphors together. Apologies!) And indeed, my prayers were answered about our little kid. For sure, he fits perfectly into our family. He is exactly what we needed. And with each new day, he surprises us with his big words and silly, roundabout stories. He and his brother often seem like two peas in a pod and literally, often look like it as they smoosh together in deep, long, giggle-laden hugs. But he is definitely his own person, too. He knows what he wants and even before he could talk, made sure we were aware of it. He’s a constant reminder that everyone deserves an explanation, no matter how little they are, because he demands one! Not a day goes by that he doesn’t expect justice and respect. (Good for him!) And just when we think we have giggled all that we can giggle, he bursts into one of his original songs or a funny phrase that is dotted with an “A-da!” exclamation point (“Ta-da” to the rest of you.). And while I still wonder if everyone’s needs are being met, I do it less often, I ruminate on it for less time, and I have convinced myself that the addition of another family member might mean smaller portions of “me” for everyone from time to time but more of “us” all of the time, which I think, no, I know, that we are all better for.

So here I sit, on the eve before our three-year old little kid goes to preschool. It’s not full-time so we’ll still have plenty of time spent together, and thus, there’s really no mourning to feel. Instead, I am thrilled for him and all of the fun and growth and wonder that he’s about to experience. Socially, he’s so ready and has been for a long time. He’s going to have a blast. But I do sit and wonder where the time went. And as I do, I see flashes of pictures flip through my head like those old-time movie calendars blowing by. The photos are varied in subject and background, but the mainstay is smiles…and love that just bursts out of the frame like sunshine. And that is worth all of the sleepless nights, schedule juggling, occasional refereeing, and yes, worrying about “fitting in” and overshadowing and sigh, mama guilt. Our little kid is a constant reminder to me that God knows best. And that prayers always get answered in the way that is best for us. So we should trust in God’s plan and settle our feet firmly in our faith. Our little kid is also an on-going reminder that this family is less about “me” and all about us. I’m so grateful to have these little boys as my teachers. I only hope one day that they will say the same about Grant and me. And the next time that irksome mama guilt creeps in, I’ll try to remember to unload that "me suitcase" I’m carrying around because we’re managing. And we're getting through this life, with God's help and guidance, together. 

 

When in doubt, choose...

I love this! Found on Pinterest and credited to frenchbydesign.blogspot.com

Best Eggless, Egg-free Sugar Cookie Recipe EVER

Life is Good: we have cookies!

I received a couple of emails and facebook messages asking about the BIG COOKIE first day of school tradition we have. When I was in grade school, my mom would bake a big heart-shaped chocolate chip cookie (it could be cut up like bars) for my teachers on special occasions and holidays. So when the big kid went to preschool at age 3 and I was trying to think of a special way to celebrate the first day of school, I remembered that cookie and revamped it into our own little tradition. It goes without saying that my mom (my parents) influence a great deal of the way I parent and the way Grant and I live our lives as a family. I am grateful for their love and example.

When your child has a life-threatening allergy to eggs, it makes baking a bit difficult. I feel grateful for recipes I have found on the web, moms of kids with allergies before me, the time to reinvent some recipes, and for help from my mom who happens to be Grandma of the Year (every year)! The sugar cookie recipe I use was found in my church's United Methodist Women cookbook as "Betty's Sugar Cookies" and with a little tweaking, have become "Elsie's Sugar Cookies". Thanks, mom!

Elsie's Sugar Cookies
Quantity depends on the cookie cutter you use. Plan on 30.

Ingredients:
1 cup powdered sugar
1 cup sugar
1 cup vegetable or Canola oil
1 cup butter
4-4 1/2 cups flour (Start with 4 cups and add more if you need to. I use all-purpose.)
2 t. baking soda
1 t. cream of tartar
2 T. vanilla (I use Madagascar)
1 t. arrowroot (this is the egg replacement)

Directions:
1. Mix the dry ingredients together.
2. Then, add the wet ingredients and mix.
NOTE: A Kitchenaid mixer works best for this recipe, but in a pinch, you can use a spoon. If you use a spoon, you may find that you need a little more "binder" for this recipe. Add a spoonful of milk until the dough sticks together, but is still stiff.
3. Cool in the refrigerator for 1 hour.
4. After one hour in the fridge, roll dough flat with a rolling pin and then use cutters to make shapes. NOTE: For my "big cookie", I roll the dough out flat onto a greased cookie sheet and then place a dinner plate over it. I use a knife to cut the circle and then bake it. I use about half of the recipe.
5. Bake small cookies at 350 degrees for 12-15 minutes.
NOTE: As for the big cookie, bake for 12 minutes and then check every two minutes after that as all ovens and elevations are different. It takes my cookie about 25 minutes to bake.

This recipe has opened up a whole new world for us! It is our "go to" cookie recipe.
I keep a recipe in our freezer in a roll wrapped (in waxed paper and then in foil) so that I can cut off a few cookies when we need a treat in a pinch. glazing them with a powdered sugar "frosting" is simple, but my kiddos like them even without frosting! Enjoy!

First day of first grade!

Life is Good: and flying by!

 

"Where did the summer go?" seems to have been my mantra lately. Does everyone feel this way? Or is it only those of us who had (what felt like) a 10 month-long winter in Minnesota (!) who feel like summer only felt about three weeks long?

We had a wonderful, busy, fun-filled, slow-paced, friend-filled, just family, sleepy, active, laughter-infused summer. I have "sift through the past three plus months' photographs" on my to-do list. I found myself living in the moment (intentionally and not) so much this summer, that I don't think I took a chance to look back except to mark something off of one of my famous lists. Well, and to look in the rearview mirror, of course!

And that's okay by me. For someone who has spent a good portion of her life looking forward and thinking about tomorrow or the next event, it was a good exercise. I always say that my kids have taught me to "live in the moment". And for sure, they have. When I am with them, I make sure that I am present. They have my attention. My eyes are looking into theirs. My ears are open and engaged. But I typically spend the rest of my time (you know, after their bedtime) in a flurry of "tomorrow" and "next week" and mult-tasking. This summer, special circumstances (some self-imposed, some not) kind of turned me upside down and I found myself truly living day by day. Sure, I made lots of plans, but they were often changed due to others' schedules, etc. I can't say that I love that way of living, but we tried it! And the results were still the same. Mostly good days with a sprinkling of less than stellar, such is life. Plenty of smiles, laughter, and hugs. And each day ended with prayers of gratitude.

And so today comes and goes. Just like summer did. The difference? Today was the big kid's first day of first grade.

I boastfully said to my husband last night. "My, what a difference a year makes." Last year at the same time, I was practically a puddle. I didn't want this next step--kindergarten--to happen so quickly, if even at all! I knew our big kid was more than ready, but I wasn't! And I dreaded the bus. Oh, my.

Well, we made it through a year of kindergarten. And while, we did have a few bumps in the road (new words learned on the bus that had to be explained and then "forgotten" and even forgetting to get off of the bus at his bus stop on the second day of school!), we managed. We more than managed, actually, he thrived. Our little bird spread his wings and breezed through. We were grateful.

And so as the first day of first grade approached, I mourned the end of summer, I was sad not to get to have the big kid home as much, but I accepted that this is a natural occurrence in life and no amount of my protests were going to change it. Though, if I could, I would stick a brick on these kiddos' heads and make them stop growing! At least for a year or two!

So I went to bed last night just like any other. I sank into the white comfy-ness of Egyptian cotton. I breathed a sighhhhhhhhhhhhh. I said my prayers---both petitionary and gratitude. And the last thought of the night? "Oh, no. I hope I don't oversleep and miss the alarm!"

You've heard of manifest destiny, right? Well, it seems I manifested my destiny. Don't worry. I didn't miss the alarm. Because I. barely. slept.  I was so worried about messing up the first day of first grade or missing the bus or not having enough time for breakfast or who knows what, that I might have gotten 40 winks. At best. This is not a plea for sympathy. This is just.so.me. Lack of sleep due to worrying about missing the alarm could be the story of my life. Or at least a sub-title.

The morning couldn't have gone better (unless I had been able to sleep past the aforementioned 5:40 AM alarm). The big kid heard me head into the bathroom and greeted me with an excited smile, dimple blazing. "I don't know why I keep waking up," he said. "I'm just so excited for first grade!" Oh, lord. Hear my prayer. May it always, always be this way. May he always love school and the gift of learning and education.

And we were off! To the bus stop. Photo opp!

And then, Grant, little brother, and I jumped in the car and whizzed over to school where we met his bus and walked him into class. We gave his teacher a loaf of our favorite eggless pumpkin bread and wished her a great year with a great group of students. Smiles abounded. He was ready.

So we said our goodbyes, we walked out the school doors, and once again, I boasted, "What a difference a year makes." I was so proud of myself. I had this one down. He was in an excellent school, he was excited to meet new friends, he was ready to learn. And all of this made me calm and relaxed and...

All of a sudden, we are halfway home and the tears begin. And I'm holding my breath so that Grant doesn't notice that I am red-faced and streaming waterworks.

And then the three-year old asks me a question. Over and over and over. Until I must answer. But by this point, Grant has glanced over and discovered my secret. I admit it. I am sad! Or maybe not. Actually, I don't know what I am! I am just so emotional!

I'm so excited for the big kid and all that this year might mean for him. And I understand that this is part of the role of parenthood--teaching them about the world, setting them up for success, guiding them through the fields and valleys, and giving them strong wings so that, ultimately, they can spread them and fly, fly, fly.

But I am going to miss him. I mean, really miss him. I'm going to miss his crazy concoctions and inventions. His dimple that gets deeper as his laugh does. His twinkling eyes. And those hugs and "I love yous" that, as he ages, seem to multiply rather than fade away like you hear they do. And so very much more. Oh, I must seem like a whiney, sappy bore. My apologies. I just love these kids. This family. This life. This moment in time. I.am.grateful. I feel the need to say it and show it. This blog, this post, is for my kids. I want them to know that their mama loved them that much. And more! I know grown adults who never have and still don't get enough love or the kind of love that they need from their parents. I never want my kids to say that. (Instead, they'll just groan a lot about their mom's never-ending "I love yous".) And of course, "I miss yous".

But wait. He'll be home at 2:30 today. And so will the concoctions and inventions and made up words. The dimple will reappear within my sight and so will those sparkling baby blues. And you can bet that I will grab a big hug or two or three or more as soon as he steps off of the bus.

It's a new normal. That's all. Little brother and I have felt a little out of sorts today, but we will muddle through and my guess is, pretty quickly get used to our new schedule. Which will, for sure, include enjoying our alone time. Precious, precious, uninterrupted alone time. So it's not all so bad after all. It's not bad at all, really.

Our first day of school tradition, a big cookie, is ready and waiting. And so am I. I can't wait to hear about the details of the day. Surely the new normal will include that 2:30 PM will be one of my favorite times of the day again. The first day of first grade is just another reminder for me to savor this time. To be present and live in the moment. I guess the big kid isn't the only one in this house who still has some learning to do this year.

Where's Waldo? and Arnold Schwarzenegger? and Susie?

Life is Good: and unpredictable!

 

from barnesandnoble.com

Well, hello there! It appears that I have taken the summer off. I didn't plan on it, but it just happened. While I haven't spent any time documenting it, I have spent it with three of my favorite guys and it has been a wonderful, fulfilling summer. Many smiles have crossed our mouths, many giggles have escaped our lips. It hasn't all been sunshine and ice cream, of course, but it wouldn't be real life it were.

As we approach the last week before the big kid goes to first grade (WHAT???), I have begun to reflect on the summer. And realize that I barely pulled my camera out (thank goodness for the iphone!). Summer break didn't seem long enough, but then again, it never does. Still, I am grateful. I am grateful for the time and the memories. So next week, I will try to carve out some time to document some bits and pieces of yet another wonderful time in our lives for these little dudes of ours. And if you are interested, stay tuned! Arnold Schwarzenegger and I WILL BE BACK!

(from walladen.com)

(from me!)

Arnold and I make quite a pair, don't you think?!? WINK!

Family Rules

Life is Good: and full of technical difficulties!

Oopsies! I just discovered that only a part of my recent blog post made it onto the blog! Please forgive me while I try to find the missing pieces! : )