Thoughts on Forgiveness and Lent

Life is Good: I'm still learning

Two years ago, I took a vacation from social media and spent Lent in deep thought and reflection about Forgiveness. Forgiving has always been a topic of on-going study for me. I seem to be able to forgive everyone but myself. In fact, one of our family's mantras is "Everybody makes mistakes sometimes." And I believe that. Whole-heartedly. And I want for our children to grow up believing this in their hearts and if they do, hopefully, they will forgive easily---themselves as much as others. Sometimes those mistakes are unplanned and sometimes they are completely intentional. But because of my faith, I forgive. It's easy to forgive when you aren't perfect yourself! It's a funny, thing, though, because I think not being able to forgive myself has a lot to do with being a "recovering perfectionist". And when I say that, I'm speaking about recovering from my pursuit and expectation of perfection, not actually ever being perfect.

I also think my inability to forgive myself easily has to do with how deeply I feel things. I think our strengths are often our weaknesses, too, and while I am able to use my sensitivity to support and empathize with others, I also seem to let it flood me with guilt and pain when I make the eensiest of mistakes. I hold myself to a standard that I would never use to measure anyone else in my life. Gosh, I am still kicking myself for not taking a meal over to an acquaintance when her dad died several years ago. It happened to be a rough time for me and I just wasn't able to do it. But I still think of it and feel guilty! I feel guilty for big and small things---for not volunteering to be room mother this year because I had a new house to unpack and a baby to keep me running all over the place. Good reasons, right? But when I get an email from the class room mothers about an upcoming party, I hang my head in shame! I feel guilty for removing people from my life who weren't kind to me or good for me or there for me when I needed them. I feel guilty for not doing things, for not doing things sooner, for not doing something first or last or twelfth. Yes, it is sometimes comical and ridiculous. Other times, it's completely warranted because I have really messed up! And of course, this is a totally abbreviated version of my nuttiness.

As I continue to work on this "issue" of mine (in an effort for me to have less inner struggle but also, so that I can be a good example for my family),  I try to remind myself that when I can't forgive myself, I'm getting in God's way and not allowing Him to be in control; I'm not allowing myself to receive the forgiveness that my faith is based upon and therefore, I'm not fully living out my faith. When I am mindful of this, it works. But when my mind is muddied with guilt and to-do lists and the noise of everyday life, it doesn't. I'm a work in progress. Sigh.

In my time spent this Lent pondering Forgiveness, I discovered a sweet little devotion about this subject entitled "Remodeling 101". My favorite part of the piece is, "God is the One who heals. Forgiveness puts us in the correct posture for Him to do so.  Don’t wait another minute to deal with the issue of forgiveness in your life." (Mary Southerland) I also really like this nugget of truth from Southerland, too, "True forgiveness is a choice – a deliberate choice to release the person who has hurt us from the pain they have caused. We can stop forgiving others when God stops forgiving us." (Forgiveness = freedom = love!)

In this time of pondering Jesus' last days on this Earth and His gift of Forgiveness to us, I'm trying my best to remember that I deserve the same forgiveness that I give to others. That I am a child of God and that He wants for me to let go of the (control) guilt.

Admittedly, there is nothing profound here. But if you have trouble forgiving yourself or someone else, I urge you to read the post I referenced above. I found it to be succinct, well-written and thought-provoking.

How to keep your 4-year old pleasant

Life is Good: when you have a bunch of tape 

When your four-year old NEEDS a boat, I mean, MUST HAVE a boat right now in order to survive, in order for the world not to cease, in order for life, as we know it, to continue on it's peaceful, cheery way, you grab a cardboard box from the garage, paper towel rolls from the recycling, some paper from the craft bin, your MacGuyver's mom cape from the closet, and, with a whole lotta tape, you make a boat.

 

Play-doh Still Rules!

Life is Good: and silly

I am crazy about this crazy kid!
(Play-doh still rules!)

When Mom has a Hangover

Life is Good: Even with a Hangover

I have a mom hangover this morning. What's a "mom hangover", you ask? Many of the same symptoms of the hangover you are used to---headache, puffy eyes, stuffy nose, did I mention headache?, and that overall "I want to stay in bed with the covers pulled over my head for at least a month" feeling---but this time, induced by momming (my word, you can use it).

Yesterday, I mommed like crazy---all the typical things like getting kids up and fed and on to their days. (Yes, I'm skipping the "is everything in your backpack?", "I can't find my green hat...no not THAT green hat, my FAVORITE green hat, I can't go to school without this EXACT green hat", baby brother wants to be held instead of letting mommy get everyone ready for school and more drama.) Anyhoo, I mommed with the best of them yesterday--laundry done, baked goods in the oven, emails answered and written, lists made and items checked off, a half day at the big kid's school to do a special class project (great kids, they were a joy), a chat with the big kid's teacher (he's doing well, is silly & happy, and has lots of friends...phew), work, a work meeting, a playdate that involved SIX boys! SIX! It was testosterone-fueled cuteness including our littlest who kept getting in our friend's 8-mth old's face to say, "HI!" (Our third is officially mine. Sigh.)

But that wasn't the end of the day. After dinner, there were basement obstacle courses, a board game or two, a chase or three into putting on pajamas (the little kid), bedtime reading (we just started The Secret Garden...I can't wait for spring any longer)...And, of course, a bedtime conversation about what suicide is and why Meriwether Lewis shot himself (Thanks to a book about Sacagewea.) because growing brains don't have a pause button for moms who've had long days. Grant looked at me with big, surprised eyes and took the little kid and the baby into another room. I said a silent prayer and then employed the Susie Formula for answering tough questions---keep to the science & keep it simple. I explained that because of very little credible documentation, we aren't 100% certain about Lewis' death. He could have been shot by someone, he could have accidentally shot himself..."The book said he intentionally shot himself. Why would he do that?" Deep breath, silent prayer, remember: science & simple. And then, in short sentences, I explained that sometimes people's minds get sick just like bodies get sick. Maybe Lewis had a mental illness that confused his brain. I repeated this thought in a couple of different ways and then, silence.

So I'm telling myself. Be quiet. Don't complicate things. Be quiet. Wait for him to speak. And then the big kid says, "Okay I have one more thing..." Ugh. Please, Lord, give me the words.

"You will never believe what Sophia did today at school!" And breathe outtttttttttttt. (Thank you, God!)

A few more reports about school and I thought I was close to putting a pin in what had been a very full, caffeine-free day (yes! I totally forgot to have coffee. That is mom hangover-inducing on its own let alone my many tasks and adventures!). And then, as I turned the light from dim to off, the big kid declared, "I changed my mind. I do want to dress up tomorrow for "dress like your favorite book character day".

What?

I will skip the part where it was well past his bedtime and I had been asking this kid for three days to pick a book character so that we could put together a costume and how he kept saying that he didn't want to participate (which is totally out of character, so I should have seen this coming) and that I hate hate hate doing things at the last minute!!!

So I ask him who the character is. Danny Dragonbreath. Okay, Susie. You're a creative problem-solver. You can do this. People pay you to do this.

Breathe.

Then I put on my invisible super hero cape and thinking cap, channeled MacGyver's mom, and, by the grace of God, my brain was still functioning well enough to remember that we have a dragon costume (that fits our 4-yr old) with a separate dragon head. Danny wears a black t-shirt = check. Now, a tail. Enter green grosgrain ribbon and my best friend the hot glue gun. Costume complete. Thank you, thank you, thank you, God.

As tired as I was, I awakened often last night. This extrovert got too many shots of other people's energy yesterday. So when the alarm went off this morning, the pounding of the mom hangover began.

Grant was already off to work but had left a full pot of coffee waiting for me. (Swoon.) It was just the remedy I needed since everyone woke up earlier than usual. Deeeeeeeeep sigh.

I think my mom hangover is beginning to dissipate. Sure, the coffee helped. But no doubt it has been the early morning of snuggles, smiles, giggles, hugs & kisses and the adorableness of a 7-year old dragon bouncing onto the bus that was the real antidote.

It's supposed to be 46 degrees in Minnesota today. It's raining right now and the droplets appear to be washing the snow away. WOW!
Happy Friday!

Quick, Easy, DELICIOUS Apple Crumb Pie

Life is Good: Even the Crumbs!

I was just looking for my apple crumb pie recipe and realized that I had written this post, but never published it. My guess is that it had something to do with a pre-term newborn, nursing every two hours, pumping after each nursing, attempting to parent two other people, and oh, a whole host of other things going on at the time!
This is one of our family's favorite pies, especially Grant's. Try it! You will like it!
So...a year later, here is the post...

A friend of mine recently asked for favorite Thanksgiving foods on Facebook (thanks, Jen!). I have always loved my mom's sweet potato souffle and pecan pie, but sadly, they have been retired because our kids have egg allergies.

I have a new pie tradition, though. This has to be the simplest, yet most tasty dessert that just screams, "Autumn!" which is what the season should be if you don't live in Minnesota! Booooo for early snow!

Our big kid is having a Thanksgiving Friendship Feast tomorrow, so what am I doing tonight? (Tonight being my first night home with our newborn who arrived 26 days early.) I'm making an apple crumb pie for him to take to his class! Here's the recipe. It does not disappoint.

Susie's Apple Crumb Pie (Adapted from Martha Stewart) 
Pie filling

Approx. 2 ½ pounds assorted apples (I like a blend of Gala and Granny Smith for a sweet & sour pie), peeled, cored, and cut into 1/8 to 1/4 -inch-thick slices

Juice of 1/2 lemon (about 2 tablespoons)

2 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into small pieces

⅓ cup sugar

¾ teaspoon ground cinnamon

¼ teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg

¼ teaspoon salt

Crumb Crust (Makes enough for one 9-inch pie)

1 ½ cups all-purpose flour

1 cup plus 2 tablespoons oats (I used rolled oats)

½ cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar

¼ teaspoon salt

1 ½ sticks (3/4 cup) unsalted butter, room temperature, cut into small pieces

1. Preheat the oven to 350°F.
2. In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, oats, sugar, and salt.
3. Using a pastry blender, cut in the butter until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs with a few larger clumps remaining. Using your fingers, squeeze the mixture together to create pea-size to ¾-inch pieces. If not using right away, cover and chill until ready to proceed.
4. Evenly and firmly press a little more than half of the crumbs (about 2½ cups) into the bottom, up the sides, and onto the rim of a 9-inch glass pie plate. Press firmly into the edges.
5. Freeze pie shell until firm, about 15 minutes.

6. In a large bowl, toss together apples, lemon juice, sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt.
7. Pour the mixture into the chilled pie shell, mounding apples slightly in the center.
8. Dot with butter.
9. Sprinkle the remaining crumbs in clumps over the apples to cover completely.

10. Bake, rotating halfway through, until the crust turns golden and the juices begin to bubble, about 1 hour. (Depends on the oven.)
11. Transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.
12. The pie can be kept temperature, loosely covered, for up to 2 days. Or you can refrigerate it for longer.

YUMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
Seriously, if you are looking for a relatively easy pie to make that will wow your guests, this is THE PIE! Happy Thanksgiving!

The Best Eggless Egg-free Chocolate Chunk Zucchini Bread Ever

Life is good: thank goodness for chocolate! (STILL)

I just made this yummy bread in prep for our littlest's FIRST BIRTHDAY! (Whew! Twelves months flew faster than a jet plane!)
This time, I omitted the cocoa powder because I have to grind up chocolate chunks to make my own and just didn't feel like doing that one extra step (a lesson I've learned this past year...sometimes you need to omit a step or two!)
Every time I have mixed this up, I remember that I want to just put a dash of cinnamon in it the next time. And then, I forget. So hopefully, with the help of this post, I will remember next time.) I put the batter in two loaf pans and cooked for 60 minutes.

The original post is...
This past year, we were so fortunate to enroll our oldest child in a magnificent preschool. All of the staff were joyful, kind, nurturing, and encouraging. To top it off, the school had a carpool lane, which meant that teachers stood out in the rain and snow and everything in between so that parents didn't have to. I felt especially grateful that I didn't have to get our littlest in and out of the car to drop off the big kid during inclement weather. So the last week of school, I made some chocolate chocolate chunk zucchini bread for the teachers at his preschool as a way to say, "Thank you!!!" for weathering the carpool lane (pun intended!) as well as creating an atmosphere of safety and fun for our child.

Eggless Chocolate Chocolate Chunk Zucchini Bread

Ingredients:

2 C flour

2 C sugar

3/4 C cocoa powder

2 tsp baking soda

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp cinnamon

mixture of 3/4 applesauce and 1/2 T baking powder (mixed together in a separate bowl until foamy)

3/4 C canola

3/4 C buttermilk (I have often used milk and it has turned out well)

3 C grated zucchini

3/4 C chocolate chips or chunks (I got this recipe from my friend Merie. She used a 1/2 bag rather than measure them)

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Grease and flour two loaf pans.

3. Mix applesauce and baking soda together in a small bowl and set aside.

4. Mix flour, sugar, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon together in a large bowl.

5. Add applesauce mixture plus oil and buttermilk into large bowl of dry ingredients and mix well.

6. Mix in zucchini and then chocolate chips.

7. Pour into pans (half of batter in each) and bake. In my oven, this recipe is done after about 45 minutes. However, all ovens are different, so I suggest that you start checking the middle of the loaf with a toothpick or cake tester after 38-40 minutes.

Notes:

I leave the cocoa powder out of the recipe when I make this bread for my kids since they are allergic to nuts. Most cocoa powders are processed in facilities where nuts are present. The absence of cocoa powder doesn't affect how delicious it is. However, the addition of cocoa powder kind of "takes the flavor over the edge", if you will, and makes the bread much, much more rich. Try it both ways and see what you think!

The original recipe calls for 1 tsp of cinnamon, but it makes for a very obvious cinnamon taste and I prefer it more subtle, especially when leaving out the cocoa powder.

This recipe was originally a cake made with eggs that my friend, Merie, who happens to be a marvelous and adventurous cook, posted on Facebook a few years ago. (Thank you, Merie!) I adapted it to be eggless and the result was more of a bread than a cake, so I bake it in loaf pans, but if you want to try it in a cake pan, go for it!

I made two different recipes--one with cocoa powder (for the teachers) and one without (for my kiddos). Here is a pic of both recipes in the dry ingredient stage.

In this pic, the batter is ready to be poured into the loaf pans.

Here is the Chocolate Chocolate Chunk Zucchini bread version...

And the Chocolate Chunk Zucchini bread version (I used Enjoy Life chocolate chunks.)