Life is Good: when you recognize your gifts
Here's a silly idea. Repost week! (If I can remember) I will publish my most read posts this week. Let me know what you think!
Reposted from January 13, 2014
I try to keep my eyes and ears open all of the time. I feel there is so much that I can learn--about parenting and life--from others. But the best parenting advice I ever received wasn't even told to me as advice.
As many of you know or have read on this blog, my older sister passed away when I was a little girl. My parents were always open to talking about her and I so very appreciate that. They did their very best to keep our life and our family as "normal" as possible after her death. When I think about it, I am absolutely amazed that they kept their marriage in tact through their grief. And I am so grateful for that. It is crippling to imagine what it feels like for a parent to have their child pass away.
When I was about 27 or 28 or even 29 (so a couple of years ago...ha!), I went to visit my parents. One night, my mom and I sat on the couch and she rubbed my feet for me. Yes, this is just one reason why she is the greatest mama ever! We began to talk about my sister. My guess is that we probably were talking about her spunk or her mischievousness. She was sassy! ; ) Then, we began to talk about her death. And our faith. And I asked my mom how ever was she able to make it through that? I wasn't yet a parent and I still couldn't imagine how she didn't throw herself out of a window or tear all of her hair out or need a padded room. It was unimaginable. And what she said to me was equally mind-blowing.
She said, "I had to keep it together for you and your brother. I owed it to you both. And I clung on to the fact that she was God's child first. She was His. And He had shared her with me. With us. I had to be grateful for the time we were allowed together." She explained that she didn't think it was in God's plan for her to die, but that when she became ill, God showed mercy on her and our family and took her pain away. She had to accept that she had gone Home. She clung to her faith, which sustained her.
I am not a person who is often at a loss for words, but this left me speechless.
When I returned from my trip, I remember telling Grant what she had said. He was equally impacted. We both spoke of our admiration for my mom's strength and faith. We made a pact, then and there, that if we were blessed with children, that we would always remember my mom's words. That this is how we would parent. These would be the words that would guide us as a family.
And so this is how I start each day. I remember that these children are a gift. They are a gift shared with us. They are sent from heaven on loan. And that they are God's children first. When I remember this, I remember that they are people, not objects. That they are treasures. Gems more valuable than jewels. And when I remember this, I don't try to control them or use conditions for love. When I remember this, I accept them for who they are and not who I think they should be. When I remember this, I feel grateful for each teeny tiny little spec of a moment with them---even the sleep deprived ones, even the trying ones, every single one.
No, we're not perfect. Oh, let me say that again. No, we. are. not. perfect! Yes, we have an occasional bad moment and even fewer rough days, but I believe that because we start from the right place, from the place of intention and gratitude, those valleys are less often and the peaks more predominant.
I believe we have darkness to appreciate the light and getting through rough times makes us appreciate the good ones. And I always try to find a lesson in a challenge so that something positive comes out of it all. My sister's life and death have taught me a lot. And I am still learning from her. And I am still learning from my parents, too.
"Thank you" seems so insignificant, but it is true. Thank you, mom and dad. From the deepest part of my heart. Thank you for the words of faith and love and strength that guide me as a mother and guide us as a family. And thank you, heavenly father, for the gift of these children, these precious little people, whom you have entrusted with us. Guide us, keep us, protect us so that we might have all the time we want together.